Diary of a Snowshoveler / I love Snow:

- AUTHOR UNKNOWN -
December 8th
It had begun to snow. The first snow in this year. My wife and I took our cocktails and sat at the window for hours. Watched how the gigantic, white flakes came down from the sky. It looked like a fairytale. It was so romantic we felt like newly-weds
I love snow. !!!

December 9th
When we awoke, a beautiful, lovely blanket had covered up every centimeter of the landscape with crystal white snow. What a fantastic sight !.Could there be a more beautiful lovely place in the world? To move here was the best idea which I ever had in my life. I shoveled snow for the first time for years. I felt myself as a little boy again and I shoveled free the entry and the sidewalk. This afternoon, the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalk and closed the entry. So I fetched out the shovel again. What a perfect life .

December 12th
The sun had melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor said that I shouldn`t worry, we would definitely have a white Christmas. No snow at Christmas would be terrible! Bob said that we would have so much snow until the end of the winter that I`d never want to see snow again I didn't think that this was possible. Bob was very nice -- I was glad that he was our neighbor.

December 14th
Snow, wonderful snow ! 30 cm last night. The temperature had dropped to -20 degrees. The cold made everything glitter .The wind took my breath away but I warmed up by shoveling again. This was life ! The snowplow came back this afternoon and covered everything again. I didn`t realize that I would have so much to shovel, but so I would certainly get back in shape. Wished I wouldn't blow and wheeze so much.

December 15th
Forecast: 60 cm. Sold my station wagon and bought a jeep. Bought winter tires for my wife`s car and two extra shovels. Filled the freezer and refrigerator up. My wife wanted a wood-burning oven, in case the electricity went out. This was ridiculous. After all, we weren`t in Alaska

December 16th
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my fanny when I wanted to sprinkle salt. Was aching infernally. My wife laughed an hour. I found this rather cruel.

December 17th
Still far below zero. The roads were too icy to get to anywhere. The electricity was off for 5 hours. Wrapped myself into blankets so as not to freeze to death. No television !! Did nothing but stare at my wife and tried to confuse her. Thought we should buy a wood-burning oven, this however I would never admit to her. I hated it when she was right ! I hated to freeze to death in my own living-room !

December 20th
Electricity was back, but once again 40 cm of the damned white things last night ! Still shoveled more. It lasted for the whole day. The lousy snowplow dropped in twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they wouldn't have any time because they had to play hockey. I thought they were lying. Wanted to buy a snow blower in the hardware store . But they were completely sold out.! Might have another next March again. I thought they were lying . Bob said that I had to shovel or the city would have it done and the bill would be sent to me. I thought he was lying.

December 22nd
Bob was right about white Christmas, because 30 cm of the white stuff fell last night and it was so cold that it won't melt till August. It took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then --- I had to use the bathroom .By the time I got undressed, went to the bathroom and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob for the rest of the winter because he had a snow blower on his truck. However, he said that he had to work too much . I thought he was lying.

December 23 rd
Only 10 cm snow today. And it warmed up to 0 degrees. My wife wanted me to decorate the house .Was She loony? I hadn`t time I had to shovel .Why didn`t she tell me to do that a month ago ? She said she did, but I thought she was lying.

December 24th
20 centimeters. The snow was packed so hard by the snowplow I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack ! If I ever could catch the sod who drove the snowplow, I would drag him through the snow by his hair. I knew exactly that he hid behind the corner and waited till I had finished shoveling and then he came down the street at 150 km an hour and threw tons of snow on the place where I had just been ! Tonight my wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols and open our presents, but I hadn't any time. I was busy watching for the snowplow .

December 25th
Merry Christmas. 60 cm more of the…..!! Snowed in. The idea of snow shoveling made my blood boil. God I hate snow ! Then the snowplow driver dropped in and asked for a donation. I hit him with my shovel over the head. My wife said that I had bad manners. I thought that she was an idiot.

December 26th
Still snowed in. Why ever in the world had we moved here? It was HER idea. She was really getting on my nerves.

December 27th
The temperature had fallen to minus 30 degrees and the water-pipes had frozen.

December 28th
It had warmed up to -5 degrees. Still snowed in. The wife drove me crazy !!!

December 29th
Once again 30 centimeters. Bob said, that I had to shovel the roof free of snow or it would cave in. This was the most stupid thing I ever heard. How silly did he think I was ?

December 30th
The roof caved in. The snowplow driver was suing me for 50.000 Euro for the bump on his head. My wife went home to her mother. 25 centimeters predicted.

December 31st,
Set fire to the rest of the house. No more shoveling .

January 8th
I feel so good. I like those little pills they give me constantly.But why am I tied up to the bed ???

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